So..what next?
Assalamualaikum and hai..
So, I've changed my blog web.Tengok kat atas lah. hehe. Aku tukar nama blog bukan sebab apa, aku tau ada kenalan-kenalan aku dah tahu pasal blog ni and mungkin senyap-senyap baca. No, there's nothing wrong with it actually. But Sis malu lah.. hehe. I will change it to previous name blog one day. Bila sudah kahwin ka..ngeh.
I don't know what to write actually, life aku sekarang Alhamdullilah sangat happy. (sebab tu lah selalu lupa blogging kan??) Dulu aku takut untuk hilang orang aku bergantung harap, even obviously it's not an healthy relationship. But who knows, by getting rid all the negative people in your life, kau jumpa orang-orang yang baru dan make your life more happy and positive.
So, what now? I think I've been so ego and afraid to show some love. Being honest to what actually I felt. Mungkin sebab pengalaman lalu buat aku takut, aku takut kalau aku tersilap langkah, tersilap sayang ,benda yang jadi dulu akan jadi lagi. I don't want this healthy relationship become unhealthy. It's beautiful actually , but it's kind of mendatar. hmm..
Aku rasa aku terlalu berhati-hati. Dan aku rasa he's not really become himself to me. Or maybe dia memang begitu atau tidak. His sweetness comfort me, but at the same times it's scared me, scare that it might be fake coz I think I might did the samething to other people not just me. but I also scared if all of his kindness and sweetness toward me is actually true but I'm not appreciated it enough just because everything in my mind.
Urgh, you know how hard it is? Bila kau dah nak terbuai dengan perasaan sayang. Tiba-tiba macam ada yang ketuk kepala kau and said "kau kena hati-hati, manusia berubah. Kau kena bersedia disakiti & dipermainkan" , then I was like taking one step back and set the wall back. pffft. Yeah, It's doesn't mean that make me being sad or miserable like before. But sometimes, when you start loving that person , you just want to show him more about you and loving him without any doubt.
But.. It's not easy. It's really not easy , when you doubt if he really love you or kata-kata cuma tinggal kata-kata. Even he said "I love you" thousand time. What? I love to hear that of course. But sometimes I need a prove.some people will said " what kind of proof do you need?? can't you see he love you?"
"yea.. I saw it. But I don't know , aku masih rasa aku belum cukup kenal dia." ntah lah.. aku ja yang paranoid kot. Ya lah, dulu beria-ria janji dengan diri sendiri tak nak terjerumus lagi di lembah "In relationship" ,siap tekad nekad yang aku taknak dah bercinta-cinta boyfriend-boyfriend bagai. Aku nak ok dua-dua suka sama suka, then terus ke next step tunang then nikah. Penat lah drama boyfriend and girlfriend ni. Penat jaga. For me it's really wasting time (buang masa konon, tapi masih jugak bercinta..hee) , ye lah I've been in long term relationship but end up habuk pun takda. Aku taknak dah buang masa bercinta yang tak tahu hala tuju, yang kau sendiri tak tahu dia nak kahwin dengan kau atau tak. mana tahu dia masih nak seronok-seronok bercinta till jannah.
Aku dah tak percaya dah yang bawa jumpa family ni ertinya dia betul-betul nak kan kau atau tak. memang la dia suka kan kau kalau dia nak jumpa family kau atau dia bawa jumpa family dia. Tapi come on, zaman sekarang all those families and parents sangat sporting, Even budak umur 13-14 pun boleh relax bawa bf/gf jalan-jalan dengan family siap bercuti sama. So, like I said as long as "tiada cincin nikah di jari kau, belum tentu dia nak kan kau jadi isteri dia, dan belum tentu dia sedia nikah" huu.. life is hard nowadays.
Weh, lelaki apa kisah.Umur 30 kahwin pun chill lah. Kau tu perempuan,takkan kau nak ikut rentak lelaki. Lelaki relax lah boleh kawin dengan perempuan yang 10 tahun lagi muda dari dia. Kau? perempuan? ada jugak lah. tapi awkwarddd. kalau kau umur 30 , nak cari yang tua dari kau and bujang, payah oo. But yaaaaaa, jodoh di tangan tuhan. I know. At least, biar kita merancang, tuhan yang menentukan. Jangan lah merancang pun tak.
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